Franklin's Opus

My turtle is leading an insurgency against me as my feeding and water changing methods have rubbed him the wrong way. Last Monday, a fertilizer-based explosive device, which Franklin's cell calls a "turdy" bomb, went off beneath my refridgerator while I was in the shower. Thinking Idaho was having its first earthquake in over twenty years, I took my shower caddy with me and fell to the ground and this was only the opening salvo.

Subsequent attacks followed on a ten-day daily basis and the landlords were brought in to mediate a resolution to the problem. Franklin was sanctioned for his four explosive attacks and the disruption of Tuesday's prayer hour consisting of the unveiling of a banner with subversive "let's leave the house" agenda messages while I watched "Stripes." I was instructed to be more sympathetic to the eating and bathing habits of other species.

I am confident that I can obtain my end of the bargain and get his water temperature just so while I get a space heater for our loft as the weather gets cooler. Allfather Franklin's faith in me "properly moistening" his food was curbed when someone who shall remain unnamed (yet connected with my organization) urinated in his bowl of carrots and flys.

The struggle continues...